CONFESSIONS




There are some things I don't like about myself... hard to believe, right?...but it's true.



Confession 1:


I am a closet hypochondriac.  If I've read about it, I've had it. You name it and I've had at least two or three of the major symptoms.  I self diagnose all the time and I am almost positive that I am dying from some terminal disease or another.  I have had to ban myself from watching Mystery Diagnosis on the Health Channel.  The only reason I am not dead right now is because after a day or two of developing cancer, MS, and a host of other diseases, my miracle body spontaneously heals itself.  I am sure if the medical science profession knew of my body's unique healing abilities I'd be in some research hospital right now with a horde of needle wielding nurses hovering over me,so lets keep it on the down low.

Confession 2:


Bad spelling bothers me. I equate spelling with intelligence even though I know that it is not a good indicator.   I won't even reply to a kijiji ad if there are blatant spelling mistakes in it.  I don't care how much I want the advertised item, that's why I was mortified when this  happened.  It drove me crazy to think that someone believed I was an atrocious speller.  I am a spelling snob.

Confession 3:


I think sometimes that my husband is trying to kill me.  He has no idea that I am on to him that is why I have escaped serious harm.  Red flags go up when he offers to make dinner.  He doesn't/can't cook so I know he's out to poison me.  I always make him take the first bite and I switch plates when he's not looking.   I always check the brakes first thing when I get into the car too, to make sure they're working. Oh I've seen him out on the driveway supposedly shining the tires (more like slashing the brake lines or at least I know that's what he'd be doing if he knew what a brake line looked like).  Did I mention that I suffer from an overactive imagination?... maybe that's where the hypochondria comes from...note to self...stop watching Tru TV.  I can't believe I would think such things about my wonderful husband.... but if anything suspect happens to me, show this to the police

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